I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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