If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
