I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
