He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
