Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
