I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
