we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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