please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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