The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
