life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
