Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
