The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
