I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize