3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
