A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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