Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
