i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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