God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
