she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
