Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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