She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
