i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
