a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
