We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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