If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
