I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
