I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
