Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize