I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
