So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
