he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
