Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize