ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
