Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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