I just pynch a tree in the face
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
