Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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