We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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