Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
