Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
