she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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