Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
