Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
