Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
