He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
