Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
