Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Randomize
