For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
