Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
