I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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