i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You made out with two different species that night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
