you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
