Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
