Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
