Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
