last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
