out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
