and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
