TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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