i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
