so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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