That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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