I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
