sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
