I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize