Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
