Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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