i permit you to call me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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